The Ten Steps to Escaping the Friendzone

Escaping the Friendzone

Many men have already been stuck in the friendzone. It sucks—you actually really like this girl, but she only has eyes for her current boyfriend, who unfortunately treats her like trash. You two would definitely make the perfect couple, so why hasn't it happened yet? There are usually various reasons you're not already dating, so follow these steps to easily get yourself out of the complicated situation and lead yourself into a successful relationship. We've included some helpful tips along the way!

  1. Figure out why you're in the friendzone. Before you can escape, you'll have to figure out how you actually ended up friendzoned in the first place. Usually, this is because A.) she definitely thinks of you as a friend instead of boyfriend material or, B.) she's unfortunately just not attracted to you. Have you always been really nice to her but avoided flirting or letting her know you're interested? That's usually the reason guys end up in the friendzone.
  2. Plan ahead. Unfortunately, there is no overnight solution. Figure out exactly where you actually want the relationship to go, what options have realistic potential, & work from there.
  3. Start dropping hints. Chances are, the girl probably doesn't even know you're interested. She obviously doesn't think of you in a romantic way, so you'll definitely need to change that. The key is to be subtle — use flirtatious lines without constantly being overly cheesy or obvious. Always avoid overdoing it, especially if you already compliment her a lot. Give her compliments she'd actually expect from her boyfriend, not her girlfriends. Women have a need to be appreciated and loved. Play this out!
  4. Change how you act. Already the perfect gentleman who holds the door & listens to all her problems? Yeah, stop doing that. Girls are usually attracted to strong men who can take care of themselves, so she's unlikely to be romantically attracted to you if you're nothing more than a polite listener. This doesn't mean to be rude, but you should definitely avoid doing everything for her all the time.
  5. Stop talking about her boyfriend. If she can talk to you about her boyfriend troubles, she'll obviously never consider dating. Put your foot down, & always hold fast to this. Over time, she'll actually stop looking at you as her go-to when she needs to vent and more as this amazing guy she's lucky to have in her life. You can easily tip the odds in your favor using jealousy. Jealousy can be an amazing tool, but definitely avoid overdoing it. You can even browse the personals — dating doesn't actually have to be happening in front of her to stir the pot.
  6. Make more time for yourself. Instead of constantly spending time together, take some time for yourself. This is the perfect time to figure out what you enjoy doing alone, & it will definitely get her attention when you finally tell her, "sorry, I'm busy right now". Again, avoid being rude, but set clear boundaries & never let her cross them.
  7. Take a step back. This always goes hand-in-hand with setting time aside for yourself. Some time apart can be extremely helpful when it comes to getting her attention, so start spending more time with your other friends. Don't always be "one call away". Make it clear that she's not constantly on your mind, even if she actually is! If she knows you're already head-over-heels for her, this will, unfortunately, reduce your chances of ever getting a date.
  8. Set expectations. You should have already established a few boundaries, like not talking about her boyfriend or always spending time together, but now it's time to set her expectations for you. For example, if you want her to think of you as the "strong, tough guy", always offer to help her move furniture, but avoid being a perfect stand-in counselor who's always ready to talk about her cheating boyfriend.
  9. Invite her to group outings. It's definitely important she knows that she's not always on your mind, so what better way to let her know than to show her? Take her out with friends & only talk to her part of the time. This easily shows that you're an amazing guy with a bunch of friends, not some weirdo obsessed with her. Ironically, giving her less attention is an extremely effective way to get hers!
  10. Ask her on a date. Has her boyfriend finally dumped her? Now's your time to shine! Don't be shy; be confident! Make it clear that this is a date, but don't come on too strong either.