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Jenn In Heat!
Does Warm Weather Really Make People Horny?
By Jenn Even
Warm weather is here
It has made me quite horny
I need to have sex
You know it’s serious, and a desperate attempt at remaining rational, when one
resorts to writing a Haiku to help cope with horniness. But there it is, in plain
Haiku English. And it says everything I have been feeling the last couple of days.
Honestly, I’m not that young anymore. I’ve been out of college for more than four
years, and the old adage about spring turning boys (and girls) fancy to sex
seems more suited to high school (and perhaps college) students. But here I am,
ready to drive by the nearest high school (or college, or construction site) with the
convertible top down, wearing Daisy Dukes, trying to get laid.
For those of you living in the south, or southwest, or somewhere outside of the
U.S. that is tropical, this column might have less meaning. But us east-coast
sorts have always had to deal with this phenomenon. This year, we experienced
a horrible winter. Record snowfall, cold temperatures, and perhaps most
significant, very few (if any) warm weather breaks. Most winters, we at least get a
tease of warmer weather throughout the winter, which might help to keep our
hormones somewhat balanced. But this year, it has pretty much been one long
winter.
Then suddenly, the cold broke. And now, we are experiencing temperatures
close to 70 degrees. It happened quickly, and while many of my male friends
were seen dusting off their golf clubs and hitting the driving range, or polishing
their cars, my weekend was spent thinking about getting laid. Not just any
method, however. I wanted to be outside somewhere, on a deserted beach. Or
perhaps a park, under the trees. Somewhere where I feel the breeze and the
sunshine, while feeling an artist masterfully playing a concerto between my legs.
Okay, I lied. Right now, I don’t care if it’s in a dark, dusty trailer or a small studio
apartment with no windows. I just need to get laid.
But before I begin my search for my latest prey, I started wondering whether there
was something scientific about why people (and specifically me this year) get
hornier when springtime arrives. Is it some hormonal imbalance? Is it
sociological? Or is it just nature?
An extensive Internet search could not provide me with a stitch of medical
evidence that there is any true chemical reason for the warm weather horny
condition. I came across a few lame theories, but none that had enough support
to bother quoting here. I did manage to find a survey at
www.queendom.com,
which asked readers, "How does warm weather affect your sex drive?" The
results were rather close between men and women. Among men, 43.5% said it
increases, 43.3% said it stays the same, and 13.1% said it decreases. For the
women, 42.1% said it stays the same, 40.2% said it increases, and 17.6% said
it decreases. There was really nothing surprising or earth-shattering among
these results.
Related to this, however, I did discover that millions of people suffer from
something known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.), where lower levels of
sunlight alter production of brain chemicals and can lead to depression, among
other things. It is widely believed that one of the best cures for this condition is
simply more sunlight, which often happens when the weather turns warmer, and
people begin going outside again.
S.A.D. can perhaps explain some of the issues with spring hormones, but what
about the millions of others that do not experience depression during the colder
and darker months? It seems ripe for speculation, which I will do here. Sex and
attraction are highly visual. When warmer weather arrives, people begin going
outside, after spending most of the winter months couped up inside watching TV
and seeing their skin turn pale. Once the holidays are over, many people start
dieting, and exercising more to be ready for the warmer months. Spring clothes
begin appearing in stores, and people want to look good. Some of us start
tanning at the salons, and spend longer hours in the gym. Then, all of a sudden, a
warm weekend arrives, and we are thankful that we at least started to work on
our appearance before the weather turned. For us gals, we see guys wearing
less clothing, where their muscles are finally seen again. And the guys are doing
manly things, like sports and working on cars or other physical projects. For guys,
they begin seeing women walking around, and the women are wearing less and
less clothing. Skin begins to appear, followed by the same Daisy Dukes that I am
about to test in a few hours! And seeing this after a winter of gloom and doom
makes us think about sex.
There are also media driven reasons to associate sex with spring. How many of
you have ever gone on a spring break vacation? I have. It’s all about drinking,
partying, and sex. Watch MTV, or any news show, and you’ll undoubtedly see
reports from spring break locations. And how about those "Girls Gone Wild"
videos from spring breaks around the country?
Anyway, my faithful guy and gal readers, there you have it. If you felt hornier this
weekend, you are normal. You do not suffer from any chemical
imbalance, nor do
you have any kind of sexual addiction or affliction that needs help. Like me, you
simply need to have sex. You have been couped up too long, and spring brings a
new awakening.
Have some great sex, and I’ll try to do the same!
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